im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
