mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You did what with his pubic hair?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
