Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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