I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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