I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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