i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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