I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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