all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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