they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
