I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
