I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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