my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
