I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
