I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
