im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
