meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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