I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
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Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
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Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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