you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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