I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
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Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
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What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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