I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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