Farmville is her only friend.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
