I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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