Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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