New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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