its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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