i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How does it feel to date your dad?
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