I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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