its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
