Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
