i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
