I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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