It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
