I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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