My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
