Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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