I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
