Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
