So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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