She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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