Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
