this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
