It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I am naked and annoyed.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
