So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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