how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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