He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
