she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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