so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
