She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
