i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize