she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
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Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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