my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
