do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
