need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
