Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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