Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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