first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
