his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
