So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
