i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
