i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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