She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
