i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
